Athletes - Do not compete in the Beijing Olympics  Journalists - Do not cover the Beijing Olympics
 Sports Fans - Do not watch the Beijing Olympics
And for all those little weiners in the media who say that you shouldn't mix sport and politics, let's just have something right here! Politics is a very real part of life. Sport is a mere past-time, a mere side-dish in life. To place sport higher than politics is to show childish inadequacy, tremendous ignorance and moral redundancy! In the late 1930s the English soccer team were forced to give a facist salute to Adolf Hitler before a mere football match. Let's hope our athletes won't have to slaughter a Tibetan baby to fit in with the scum Chinese leadership. The International Olympic Committee have consistently shown themselves to be cowards of the most morally corrupt kind. They no longer have souls to sell.! THEY, not the drug-addled athletes, bring the Olympic games into constant disrepute. They are unworthy dogs! But the athletes still have the opportunity to show moral fortitude and boycott these most hypocritical Olympic Games. If they don't, they will show cowardice and a total lack of human integrity. As will ANYONE who enjoys this lousy event on any level. And how can the BBC use public money to send their journalists to give succour to the same faschist regime in China, that denied them freedom of speech and freedom of movement in the recent Tibetan protests. The BBC, and all the media scum will also sell their souls. Why, they will probably even suck the odd Beijing's nob's knob to show that there is little need for us to combine the words "journalistic" and "integrity". The Olympics, as everyone knows, originated in Ancient Greece. So did Democracy, so did free thought and sophisticated philosophy. So, in a sense, did organised sport. Yet 2,500 years on the tournament seems to represent "ideals" that belong in the trash can of history. Please don't be part of this conspiracy against decency. Oppose the concept of international kudos for that bunch of ****s in Beijing. Boycott the Beijing games. (Pictures curtesy of Amnesty International)
This tree feels a little like Dunsinane Wood moving closer and closer to MacBeth's Castle (The front of this block of flats). I'm away for up to 15 days. I will try and respond to any comments on any of my pages before I leave tonight, but I am a tad pushed for time this weekend. Moving is always a bit of a bugger, even when one is only moving 5 foot! Hehe! I hope everyone has a good time whilst I'm away and behaves themselves! Hahahaahahaa! Cheerie-ho! Der Oakenmeister
 BIG IT UP!
 The (Authentik) Hitler Diaries (Aged 8 1/2)
Monday, 1st July, 1897
Dear Diary Mama has sent me some lovely Mulberry und Pepper preserve und I am delighted with it. I indulged myself a little zis afternon when I spread a little of zee wunderbar jelly on my French loaf. FRENCH SWINEDOGS! I HATE ZEM! I HATE ZEM!
My cousins Mitsy und Barndolph are staying at zee family home in Baden Baden Baden at zee moment. Mitsy has unfortunately turned her ankle when slipping on some dog manure und she voz very distressed. Speaking of manure, ZAT IS VOT I THINK OF ZEE NEDERLANDERS. ZEY ARE MANURE! MANURE! MANURE! VON DAY A RAIN VILL COME AND VASH AVAY ALL DER PIGHOUNDS!!!!!!
Father has told me zat if I stay out of trouble for zee next month and do vell in my studies, I vill receive a brand new bicycle vehicle to ride to and from school. I am looking forward to zis emmensley. I have been trying much harder to study recently, especially in Bundestudies, literature, und history. My art vork is coming along nicely too. I have decided that is vot I shall be when I grow up. A great, great artist. I shall wear a beret, MURDER ZEE FRENCH!!!!! und listen to Wagner, und read Machiavelli, Bertholt Brecht, und Nietsche!
My kitten, Marianne, has become unwell recently, und she may need to be strangulated to ease her suffering. Father offered to do zis for me. But I told him to "back zee fuckinzee off!" as she is my kitty and I should be zee von to ring her neck. I WOULD LIKE TO RING ZEE NECK OF EVERY POMPUS ENGLISHMAN, WITH ZER TWEED JACKETS UND ZER LACK OF CHILDHOOD MOUSTACHES!!!! VOT A NATION OF NINCOMPOUPENSTRUDELS!!!!!
Von bit of gut news! Papa and mama have agreed that we should holiday in Upper Silesia zis Spring. At first Father had suggested a fishing holiday in Bremen, but I told him zat I had my eye on Poland and he relented after I had one of my frenzies. I must remember to have father executed ven I have become a vorld-famous artist.
 Before each episode of the Simpsons, here in the UK, we are treated to a quick plug for DOMINOES PIZZAS. The actual words are: "The Simpsons on Sky One with Dominoes, the pizza delivery experts". Now, I ask you, what the **** is so EXPERT about delivering a PIZZA! Making a proper one may take some skill, but ringing a door bell and exclaiming "Pizza!" in a spotty, teenage, kind of way, is NOT a form of expertise! Why are we continually bombarded in our culture with spurious claims like this? It's like the "Best album of the year" being a rap album, or describing a band that has been around for 10 minutes as the most influential of their generation. (That can't possibly be asserted for another generation at least!). This whole "New rock & roll" buisiness, makes me want to kill! FOOD is not the new rock and roll! And chefs are not "food heroes" unless, of course, they perform the Heimlich manouvre in one of their own restaurants. Why are liars and bullshitters allowed to misuse the English language so flagrantly and so routinely nowadays? I'll tell you why! It is because they are pretentious wankers! From Andy Warhol to Damien Hurst, from John David to Derek Acorah, from advert A to advert Z, they are allowed to lie and lie and lie. The Advertising Standards Authority seem to only be concerned about sex and bad language. Anything else goes. (Well they are fuckers for a start!). They HAVE no standards, they SHOW little authority! They are pretentious TOO! - overrating themselves like that! And then you get ordinary people going on TV and pretending to the world that they have talent. NO YOU DON'T! The very fact that you describe yourself as "Just an ordinary person" is a big f*cking clue to your talent quotient!!!!! Stop pretending to be something other than what you are! Will everyone please just do that from now on! Pleeeeeze!
Now, I'm lucky that the people on my friends-list or "Contacts" (myming inverted commas) as Multiply pretentiously to call you guys. (After all, I hardly "contact" any of you nowadays, but I still think of you chaps as "friends". I love you guys! But, yes, I'm lucky enough to have a group of friends who are mature enough and sorted enough not to buy into this whole pretending to be something that they are not. Well, that isn't strictly true is it. I mean, Pokey is not really a banana, Enchanted is not really a fairy, and there are times when I doubt that Cassandra is actually a lady. (She can swear like a trooper. In fact she is much worse than Martin on that basis). Oh, and in fairness, I'm not really a tree. But, fun fantasy aside, we aren't trying to con anyone into buying our merchendise are we? So I'm preaching to the converted here. But this blog is set to "everyone", so anyone looking in who isn't a pal of mine, and actually buys Dominos Pizzas, please stop rewarding their dishonesty. Incidently, a number of new 100% cotton Oakie-pal T-shirts will be available in the shops soon. You'd be well advised to buy them as they are a million times better than the Pokey Brand equivalent.
Herbs Hotspur 5 Yahoo FC 1
Yahoo FC 3 Herbs Hotspur 2 In the first game Herbs struggled in the first half and didn't deserve their 2-1 lead. But in the second half di Stefano and Herbs really got going and prettymuch thrashed the "Wankers". Herbs team received FIVE yellow cards, using the Medium Aggression option and the Mixed passing option looked good, as well as the 4-3-3 line up. But in the second game it all fell apart. 4-4-2 meant that HH had much more possession, but were simply less effective in front of goal. Maybe a more direct passing style would work away from home. di Stefano and Herbs both scored excellent goals, but, overall, Spurs just weren't potent enough. Yahoo suprised everyone with a sprightly first half performance, but they were given far too much space. Away from home it seems to me that the games version of 4-4-2 is not satisfactory, but an alternative 4-4-2 formation, which is more defensive, and includes two wide players, might work away from home.
Overall, then, 7 goals in two games shows that Herbs can score goals and they certainly have two class forwards. David Beckham was also impressive and it's a shame that no-one got on the end of a good number of quality crosses with any great effect. Defensively, the three goals that Yahoo scored suggest that a more defensive approach away from home is probably desirable. But despite the loss to Yahoo, Herbs Hotspurs remain the bookies favourites for the Championship. 
 Herbs Hotspur Squad is one of the biggest in the OSL. At first glance there are two positions that need strengthening. Left-Back and Left-Wing. And also maybe another Central-Defender could be purloined. There is a glut of Goalkeepers and the Reserves and Youth teams usually cough up a pretty decent goalie, so the sale of at least one of the keepers might raise some transfer cash.
This is a performance analysis of two matches, one home, one away of Pokey Academical for their manager to ponder over. The two games were both lost 1-2, but the overall performance of The Accies was impressive and they looked very good defensively. They were the better team in the first game and should have won, but two late goals from St.Helens Hungarian genius Ferenc Puskas stole the game. Two things of interest cropped up for the Nanamen. Firstly, it seems that effeminant Left-Wing Back, Juan Kerr is a natural born free-kick taker. (He hit the bar with a fabulous curling strike). And the other is that almost everything runs through the hard-working and brilliant Johan Cruyff. His performance in the first game was outstanding. In the second game, player-manager Pokey replaced Cruyff and Bendy with himself and Kenny Dalglish. They were are more balanced partnership, Dalglish causing problems for Corinthians with a number of skillful flicks. But it was Pokey himself who scored a brilliant goal, twisting past two defenders before smashing the ball home with aplomb. The Accies have four top quality forwards there. The manager will have to decide who his first choices are, but Cruyff seems simply too good to leave out. In the second match, Accies had much better possession, suggesting that the 3-5-2 formation is a very good one for away games, at least. They were the better team. But, against the run of play, Dempsey equalised, and right at the end the great Pele hammered a fine strike into the net, to again rob Pokey of a deserved victory. Losing both matches at the end of the game suggests that they migh concentrate on developing stamina and concentration when it comes to team training sessions, especially in midfield and defence. All in all, two good performances by Pokey's team. Certainly something that can be built upon. 
 (Left) The final Pokey Academical squad for this season, before last minute transfers. The Ratings are not the final ratings, but are a good indication of the make up of the squad. I recommend the signing of 5 players to improve the balance of the team: A left-back, a central-defender, two central midfielders, and a right-midfielder. Oakie recomendations need not be considered when purchsing the last few players for a team though. The Transfer Market will be open next week.
ONLY ACTIVE MANAGERS WILL GET SUCH COMPLEX TEAM INFORMATION AS THIS.
 The Transfer Market can be a little complex if you aren't used to it, so I have devised a simple method for ACTIVE and INACTIVE managers to use to purchase players to improve their teams. GOLD STARS, Yayyyyyy!
Each player shall be given a number of Gold Stars with which to purchase players. Different players will be worth a different number of Stars, depending upon their ability. ie:
1 GS Decent player
2 GS Good player
3GS Very Good player
4 GS International class player
5 GS World-class player
Let us say that you have 5 GS to spend. You could buy any combination that 5 GS would get you. eg:
1 X 5-rated player
5 X 1-rated players
2 X 2-rated players + 1 X 1-rated player
etc.
So if you have a small squad it might be an idea to buy 5 decent players rather than 1 World Class player. And if you have a big squad, the 5-rated (5 star) player may be best to buy to keep wages down and add that extra bit of quality to your team. Don't worry if this seems complex. I shall give recommendations as to what each player might do.
Before the transfer market is blogged, I shall blog each team's squad so that you can see where you may need to add extra players in areas of your team. The areas of a soccer team are GOALKEEPING, DEFENCE, MIDFIELD and ATTACK ("Offense" to Americans, hehe!). Again, I will make recommedations of which sections of the team need strengthening.
Finally, you will also be awarded a number of SILVER STARS. Even more Yayyyyyy! Silver Stars will work in the same way as Gold Stars, but instead of buying players with them, you will be able to hire staff. This is a very important area of running your team, ESPECIALLY if you are an INACTIVE manager. ACTIVE managers will have the opportunity to change things later on, but INACTIVE managers can only make changes before the first season kicks off. Some staff are more useful than others. Spending a lot of SILVER STARS on a quality Assistant Manager will definitely improve the performances of your team. Buying a Physiotherapist will allow your players to be out injured for less time. Hiring a Youth Team Manager will improve the quality of young players coming through the ranks into the first team. A Marketing Manager will bring in much needed extra revenue. There are many different members of club staff. I shall be printing a list of what the different types do, and again, make recommendations as to what each team might best do.
As that fine US comedian Rich Hall once said. "Why is it always bad things that end in "ea"? Diarrahea, gonorrhea, North Korea!" I'd add to that things that end in "way" like "wrong way" "No way" and Zimbabwe. Or how about "Na"? Hyena, angina and China.
What is it about the tin-pot little emperors of China, North Korea and Zimbabwe? Why do these arrogant feudal warlords think that they have right to do what they damn well like in their countries, and, in other people's countries? Isn't it about time that we took out the trash?  We in the West feel completely justified in kicking the crap out of Arab countries, often for no bloody reason. (Well no bloody non-oil reason anyway). Why is Robert Mugabe any better than Sadam Hussein? Both murdered many of their own countrymen. Both brought their own states to their knees through arrogant and misguided leadership. I'm not absolutely sure, but I'm guessing that Zimbabwe doesn't have a lot of oil.
So, we saunter over to Arabia and take out an army which was largely destroyed a decade earlier anyway, and proclaim ourselves as the moral saviours of a people who we have made poorer and put in more danger than they ever had under Sadman Insane. Go, our team!
Anyone naive enough to think that the British and American governments will ever do anthing for purely humanitarian reasons has been watching too many Hollywood films. This is glaringly obvious when we see how China, has consistently violated the human rights of the Tibetan people for decades. Not on! What do we in the West say about that? "Have a wonderful Olympics and can we lick your bottom while we are at it comrade Hu Jin Tao?"
After having their arms burnt off in Somalia the US has steered clear of anything remotely African, and the Brits don't have that wonderful Imperial vervre that the French still tend to show in Africa as they try to kick their former colonies asses in the name of humanity. We learnt long ago that Africa is NOT NICE. Especially if you are a mad dog or an Englishmen. So the former British stronghold of Rhodesia is a "no go/ don't give a damn", part of the planet for the former mightiest empire in world history. Thus official policy regarding the people of Zimbabwe from Camp David to camp Alistair Darling, is "Sod 'em!" Black or white, we don't give a shite!
And now we come to this weeks Emperor dickhead of the week Kim Jong Il, the God-king of North Korea. It has been the policy of North Korea (A very backward country) to continually hassle South Korea (A relatively modern country) everytime the South so much as wins a soccer game. All I can say to Captain Kim is "JEALOUS!" Why doesn't North Korea do better economically and in the sporting and cultural arenas? Easy, they keep appointing morons to run the country! (Actually I am suprised how well the USA is still doing on THAT basis! Hahahaha!). And before anyone takes a pop at us Brits, remember, we didn't APPOINT our current leader. The Labour Party did. That's democracy for you!
North Korea is run by a twat. Zimbabwe is run by a twat. China is run by a bunch of twats. This is fine if no-one innocent get's hurt. But the official policy of twats tends to be "KILL EVERTHING IN SIGHT!"
So, what are we going to do?
 CHINA - Anyone advocating that the Olympics go to this country in the next FIFTY YEARS is an enemy of human rights and an enemy of the citizens of the world. They earn reprisals. Boycott Chinese products that come directly from China. Boycott the products of any country that will not oppose China keeping the olympics. If your own politicians will not do this, they are legitimate targets for human rights reprisals. (I dunno, chuck a smelly tomato at them, or something).
ZIMBAWE - Expel the dimpomats of this and any African country that advocates the new Idi Amin's control of this country. If your governemet will not do this, they are legitmate targets for reprisals. Boycott Zimbabwean products.
NORTH KOREA - Write to Kim Jong Il telling him how ugly he is, how unfunny his jokes are (Have you heard an official Kim Jong joke?) and tell him what a cultureless twat he is. Boycott North Korean products, and see if there is anything South Korean in the local shops that you can buy to help the good guys out.
These three countries are led by people who are a racist embarrasmet to the rest of humanity. If we all make absolutely sure that we do not contribute to their economies, nag our so called representatives to do the right thing, and keep spreading the word we might contribute just a little towards righting the huge wrongs of these modern day Stalins and Hitlers. Incidently, New Zealand has only this week become the first developed country to adopt a free trade pact with China. Boycott all products from this Antipodean traitor country . WHAT ARE THEY THINKING? And you can damn well bet the good old BBC will send the same journalists who were banned from reporting from Tibet to report on the much less important Olympic sporting event in China. Hardly suprising when you consider what a bunch of crooks the British Broadcasting Company is. If the BBC do show any of the event they will become legitimate targets for reprisals. Especially regarding China, you are either on the sight of right or you are on the side of wrong. They have shown that they are led by people who are just as scummy as the trash who ordered the Tianinman Square massacre all those years ago. Opening up a few extra market stalls and ditching Communism in all but name does not automatically mean that you become an advanced modern country. Especially when it wasn't that long ago that the Chinese government were effectively sanctioning the murder of many Chinese female babies as it tended to only be males who were considered worth anything in parts of China. China is still very much a BACKWARD country and is fundamentally unworthy of international acceptance. They must not be allowed to have the Olympics. If they are not, they will be humiliated in front of every other country in the world, and rightly so, as Zimbabwe should be (And as North Korea largely does to itself anyway). But they WILL get the Olympics, and the reason that they will get the Olympics is because our masters, er, sorry, public "servants" look at China and think "markets, markets, markets!" So once again, money shall be that root that allows the practice of evil, with no restriction.
 Each manager, ACTIVE or INACTIVE gets to make three selections from the list of clues below. 34 of the clues will lead you to a great player who you may keep for your team. 2 of the clues are jokers. You won't want them, even for free. The 34 quality players are actually some of the most famous soccer players in world history. You get to choose three each, any time that you like. Just list your number choices below. I will then reveal who you have picked and tell you a little about them. Here are the clues:
01 A Total Footballer (Johan Neeskens - Mysty) 02 Biggest Moustache in the Mediterranean 03 Black Panther, born in Mozambique 04 Manages the Middle Regions 05 One Eye Ota, about being a custodian 06 British, but this king could nae speak English (Kenny Dalglish - Pokey) 07 Pack of Doglike creatures, over the fire place 08 This guy really was a dinosauer in 1982 09 Winsford United's most famous player 10 The Czar 11 The most famous hair-style in football EVER (Bobby Charlton - Cassandra) 12 Brilliant in his early 20s, crap in his late 20s. Has featured on THE SIMPSONS 13 African World Cup scorer and dancer (Roger Milla - Mysty) 14 Should have been a defender with this Soviet surname (Oleg Blochin - Martin) 15 Played for Argentina AND Spain (Alfredo di Stefano - Herbs) 16 Italian with an oily surname 17 Speedy former Chester player 18 Prescious metal testicals (David Beckham - Herbs) 19 Back or Forward for Italy's old lady (John Charles - Cassandra) 20 Mighty Mouse 21 Known in English as "The Bomber" 22 Hard-bastard, Left-back, Midfielder, who scored for Azurri 1982 (Marco Tardelli - Herbs) 23 By name and by nature (George Best - Enchie) 24 Born leader of men. Bad men! (George W. Bush - Martin) 25 His less famous son, Edson, was a goalie (Pele - Cassandra) 26 Pundit who wonders where the defending was (Alan Hansen - Pokey) 27 Wizard of the Dribble (Stanley Matthews - Enchie) 28 Played for "Les Verts" and "The Old Lady" 29 Not a thief! Though he lifted a trophy alright 30 Chubby genius who was always hungry (Ferenc Puskas - Martin) 31 William's hair is not straight, atall, atall! (Liam Brady - Enchie) 32 Famous for his turn (Johan Cruyff - Pokey) 33 Famous runner-up (Bob Dole, Joker - Mysty) 34 "Telescopic" legs, dreary voice and a big moustache. (Not Father Stone!) 35 Drugs and booze and cock & bull 36 Deemed by his peers as potentially England's greatest ever player. But he never got the chance to fulfil that potential These clues are HARD, even for experienced football fans. And, even if you were to work out who a handful of the players were, there might be even better ones who remain unknown to you. So the inexperienced player might do just as well, simply by choosing the three players who's clues they like the most. Eenie Meenie Miney Mo may work for you as well!
 Because of the confines of the Soccer Simulator that I have I am having to tweak and change the way that I will do the OSL (Oakie Soccer League) to get the best out of it. So, this is the latest, and hopefully, final format.
A 12 team soccer league, with US and UK teams. The competition will be based in the USA where the UK teams will guest. English teams HQ will be New England. Any Welsh teams will be based in New Wales, or New Jersey, as the locals call it. USA teams will be based in the home town/city of their manager. There are two types of manager in this game. ACTIVE and INACTIVE. ACTIVE MANAGERS - Choose Kit, Badge, Team name, Players and all manner of club parafinailia. This is best left to those of you with decent football knowledge. INACTIVE MANAGERS - Choose Kit, Badge and Team name only. Inactive managers will still be heavily involved in the "culture" of the game. They just won't be making any direct decisions when the game starts. This is the role recommended for those with little experience of football, or those who might not be able to contact me that often. (Though twice a week is enough to run your club). At this stage I feel that the active managers should be myself, Herbs and Pokey + one other. But I am willing to vacate my place to include another Active manager, so there are potentially two places for those who want a more involved role in the game. To make the whole thing more fun I am tailoring players names for EVERYONE'S players to them. And I shall also include periferal clubs like Yahoo Wankers FC, Mash Wankers FC, and Bush Dummies FC in cup competitions.
 I've already decided to change the format to this game. Hehe! This is my proposal.
A UK Soccer League with 4 teams and a US Soccer League with 4 teams. UK - Herbs, Pokey, Martin and Cassandra USA - Sheila, Mysty, Enchie and Soren "Players" need not actually take part at all if they don't want, but I would like to name a team after each of you guys and then you can decide how involved you would like to be, if at all. If there is a specific name that anybody would like to name their team, please let me know. And I would also like folks to pick their team colours if possible. Each week there will be match reports and updates as to how your team is doing. For those who want to take a pro-active part in the game, I shall keep in almost daily touch with info and questions that will help you knock your team into shape. World Class Players Each manager will be allowed to select three real life World Class players for their teams to join their squad, for free, from a pre-selected pool of players. If anyone who doesn't fancy doing so I shall do it for them on a random basis. Funny Names Each player's team will have a squad of players with comic names that are tailored specifically to that player. So look out for Matthias Bendy (Pokey), Dave Draggon (Mysty), Readie Book (Cassandra), Mitchell Video (Herbs) etc.
 How would you like to manager your own OSL team. You get to pick the players, transfer them in or out of your squad, develop the youth team, control club marketing and go up against the best English Premier League teams week in, week out.
But better than that, you get to invent your own team name, kit and even club badge. Imagine Pokey Academical vs Manchester United at the Llandudno Stadium, or the London derby Herbs Hotspur vs Tottenham Hotspur at the Herbs Ground. Or how about Oxford Hot Ladies vs Chelsea at the Library Road Stadium? There could be St.Helens Class FC, or Sheila Goalkickers, Enchie Celtic, or Mystical Dragons FC.. There are spaces for the invention of four new clubs. So I have decided that we could have 4 managers, who invent their own teams, and , if there are enough people interested, 4 assistant managers to help them out. This is not going to be like the unfortunate Oak Realm which is temporarily down. I will be using a soccer simulator to determine the results. If you fancy managing a team, let me know below. If you want to just join in on the perifery and be an Assistant Manager, let me know that too! This game will be pretty simple. Basically I will make all the decisions for your team that you don't want to yourself, leaving you to do the sweet stuff like picking and buying players. Though I feel that some people might take an interest in the marketing side of things. Pokey brand sling-shots for those local derbies, for example. Even if no-one fancies a go initially, I shall start the league and people can join in later on. I'll be doing an Oakiepedia about the game for easy reference.
 Well we have had about three days of the Big Eye, and he isn't the worst facial feature ever featured on Multiply, but I think that most of us are just biding our time until that Emperor of Mirth, Pokey T.A.B. returns. The One-year-old Banana has been missing for about three days and Multiland seems a little less funny and a little less impertinant than usual. (Though most of us are actually financially better off, admittedly!).
So, I am supporting Herbs' campaign for the return of Pesky Pokey, the protruding, penile, person. May he return to our midst soon. (Funny word "midst", when you think about it!). Oakie One Kenobi Please sign Herbsie's petition at: http://herbs3.multiply.com/journal/item/2
 Happy Birthday to Pokey The Angry Banana! To celebrate his first birthday I made him this Jam Cake, soaked in vodka.
We have all been given countless laughs by the mentally derranged banana boy. But what about the man behind Pokey, the real person, who is also a big eye? Orsen Wells said that "The enemy of art is the absence of limitations!" So the more restricted one is, the more creative one has to be. And unlike myself, who can be any version of an Oak that I want, Pokey is stuck being small, yellow and penis-like ALL THE TIME. This has led to signs of a split personality in our comic genius as part of him yearns to move from the publically acclaimed and award-winning banana guise into the more rugged and handsome, Max Fontaine guise. But, as with that other British comedy genius, Ricky Gervais, his second work has simply not proved as popular with audiences, and one wonders if Pokey will also sell out and start working for the yankee dollar by appearing in all manner of crap US "adventure" shows. Though in fairness, Gervais did a good job with his Simpsons episode and one wonders if Pokey too will soon be saying "D'oh!". His skin is certainly the right colour for that particular show. So what will the next year hold for Pokey? Trapped inside a little yellow banana, straining heroically to keep pulling out the stops, blog after blog! Fending off constant pestering by the paperarazzi, people on Multiply and gays, and dealing with the burden of being the most famous ressurectionist jailbird of all time (Other than Jebus), it is likely to be a demanding period for the young fellow. So next time the mental banana gives you a chuckle, bear in mind that a bit of heart and soul went into that particulary bit of personal abuse that came your way. It didn't just come out of the ether! Have a great birthday Po Po! And piss on a homeless person for me, will you!
 I mean, he seems to be metamorphasising into this Max Fontaine bloke again! This happens almost as much as him getting killed ocassionally!
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